Indisputable Facts Taken from the Book Reality: It Hurts, by Faith'sbook
Faith's Study on Dating
Statistics Canada says 90% of Vancouver Island is made of women - they use the term "swarming with them" - and 90% of Christians are female. It's a fact. Fact number three: 80% of men live in Alberta. 100% of them are rednecks.
Faith's Study on Park Rangers
As we all know, 95% of all park rangers are unrequited lovers and bitter about young love.
Faith's Study on the Colon
Through vigorous sociological and biological research, I have discovered that as much as people don’t want to talk about a functioning bowel, they 126.59% (approximately) don’t want to talk about what happens when the system quits working. AKA constipation.
Faith's Study of Intelligence Levels of Tween Girls
It is well known that when tween girls are grouped together their intelligence level actually decreases by 5000.26%. Unfortunately the article, "Tween Girls: The Decreasing Intelligence Level Phenomena," was banned from ever being printed again for its derogatory language. The author has no comment.
Faith's Study of the Top Twenty-Seven Best Experiences Ever
Experience No. 25 - Surprising a flock of birds down a trail on your bike and finally experiencing what it's like to fly with the birds for 2.5 seconds.
Faith's Study of Mobster Translators
The guy who translated the twin babies talking is 99% accurate in his mobster translation. Those babies are most definitely mobsters.
Faith's Study of All Things Dave
It is 95% likely that Dave Wallace is or will soon be living in his new mansion in LA with an authentic World War II tank in his garage and twenty chihuahuas at his feet.
Faith's Study of Bullies
97% of all bullies are really just stupid people who want to beat up geeks out of pure jealousy that they are not smart enough to be them.
Faith's Study of Victoria and Pluto Real Estate
It is 87% more ridiculous to live in Victoria than anywhere else in the solar system, except Pluto.
Faith’s Study of New Year’s Resolutions
New Year’s resolutions can actually lead to serious health risks. Most New Year’s resolutions have a 99.29% rate of failure, averaging one New Year’s resolution failed per minute in the first month alone.
Faith's Study of Blue Things
Tobias' manliness went up 2000% when he joined the blue man group. He is not a Muppet.
Faith's Study of Cylons
Many people I know are actually cylons. Possibly myself. Probably my dog and 100% positive Lady Gaga.
Faith's Study of the 1800's
Back in the 1800's time didn't exist. The end.
Faith's Study of the Earthquake We Are All Going to Die From
We are all going to die from a massive earthquake when Vancouver Island sinks on August 21st, 2017.
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