Friday, April 22, 2011

Mobster Babies

This is why I wish I had a twin. We would have had the best conversations in the history of the world.

Didn't quite catch that? Here's the translated version by an expert translator.

I believe this particular translation is 99% accurate (I only get my information from the best sources money can buy so you know I can be trusted. Plus, you are always free to check their legitimacy by clicking here).

Thursday, April 7, 2011

The Adventures of Chompo and Olivia: Downsizing

I'm just in the middle of moving. It's horrible. Don't do it. The worst part about moving isn't how much work it is, or the fact that I am leaving the home I have lived in for my entire life, but that the place I am moving into is even smaller than the place I have now. And that's saying something. Downsizing is always painful, but downsizing to the point where I have to give up my entire collection of stuffed animals? That, my friend, is cruel. You may say I am too old to have stuffies. If you did, I would have to use great self-control not to attack you with angry words. You are never too old to have stuffies, especially if they are the ones you have had for many years and have already pared down as much as possible without losing your soul in the process. How can I possibly say goodbye to such innocent, vulnerable creatures, wholly dependent on my love? How do you tell someone, that you care about deeply, you're going away forever? Gently? With a rose? In a funny way? Like it's a hilarious joke? Or do you just let it go. Because saying it would just make it worse... Probably the funny way.

If you didn't get that it was courtesy of Michael Scott from The Office. Except instead of "how do you tell someone you're going away forever," he says, "how do you tell someone I told you so."

This is how: through the mediation of hamsters. You may know these particular hamsters from Chompo and Olivia's Christmas Adventures in which they first became famous.

The Adventures of Chompo and Olivia: Downsizing

Chompo and Olivia were moving. Pack, pack, pack, chomp, chomp, chomp (oops that was Chompo biting one of the boxes, hamsters are not very good packers), when suddenly they heard desperate, squeaky voices that chilled them to the hamster bone.