Monday, May 23, 2011

Petite Lap Giraffes

I'm sure some of you might already know about this phenomenon in the pet sector, but you might not know all the amazing details.

Baby petite lap giraffe
What is the number one thing you would like more than anything in the world? Yes, I thought so. But how likely is it that a giraffe will be an acceptable pet in your living quarters? ...Negotiable. But there is a solution. I present to you the Petite Lap Giraffe:

I'm all for exotic pets and making them live in the domestic bliss of a cage within a bigger cage, er, I mean, house, but you might be thinking, "This is going too far." And it is. Sokoblovsky Farms, "Russia's finest purveyors of petite lap giraffes," says different and once you have a chance to learn a little about the species, I think you will realize it is a perfectly appropriate pet. I will begin at their very origins, "It all started when Great Grandfather Nicolas escaped circus with best friend Alex, the giraffe. The rest they say is history." There's the bull Vladimir and the cows Raina and Svetlana, and hopefully I don't have to go into detail about how that process works because it makes me uncomfortable.

Monday, May 2, 2011

Cornelius for Prime Minister

So I was hoping to publish this last week, as you know, it would be a lot more helpful, but ce la vis, or, at least, ce la me. Anyway, it's still pertinent information and though it didn't help you when you really needed it, at least it will help you know what you did wrong.

I'm not much for politics. They are stupid. But somehow it seems irresponsible not to be interested in my future and the future of my future children (it's all very futuristic), so I've decided I better do some research. But I'm confused. It seems like all the party leaders are sincere when they make their promises, and heck, it's not like they are promising world peace or the end of world hunger, their promises seem pretty doable, but then I guess they don't pinky swear. Well, after researching for some time I found out that the different political groups are called "parties." Sounds fun, right? Wrong. There is no fun-fun-party-time in politics. It is a great misnomer and I'm surprised it hasn't come up in the political debates before. I've decided they should be called "nonparties" and will heretofore refer to them only as such. Secondly, I've found out that the Conservative Nonparty is currently in power, but I'm hoping we can give another nonparty a chance because I believe in sharing. And from what I can see, the nonparties that are real contenders for the throne are the Conservatives, Liberals and NDP...s...


Apparently the guy to the right holding a kitten is our Prime Minister. Seriously. At first impression, that picture made me want to vote him back into office because the kitten is so cute it distracts you from thinking it through logically, but then I realized that the picture is screaming one thing and one thing only: weakness. So I can never vote for him now because, as I'm sure you know, I despise weak leaders.