Big Mouth Betty (Debby Downer's BFF)

I am a faulty machine. If you bought me, hopefully you kept the receipt. For instance, sometimes I have a big mouth. No, I don't mean the actual size of it, though it is large. Actually my mouth isn't so large as my gums are ginormous. When I smile it is equal parts gum and teeth. Some might say large gums are not aesthetically pleasing, and although I haven't yet had a dentist say, "You're lucky, you have large gums," I prefer thinking of them as well-endowed. I imagine that some day I will be old and have no teeth, and then I will be happy that I have such large gums to fill up my smile. What was I saying? Something to do with talking too much... Oh right, what I actually meant by having a  big mouth was that I say things without thinking. They call me Big Mouth Betty (fortunately no one's ever called me that). She's best friends with Debby Downer. I wish I could say that at least I mean well. Unfortunately when you say something without thinking, you don't have time to sneak good intentions behind your words and use that as an excuse. And telling someone you mean well instead of apologizing is about as effective as telling someone you didn't mean it. Didn't you? Didn't you? Then there are the times where you actually do mean well but you still shouldn't have said it. You may have been thinking before you spoke, but you were thinking of bunny rabbits. These are some of the ways it happens:

1. I want to be funny, so I say something slightly hurtful but hilarious.
2. I have this desire to share things with people but some things are not mine to share.
3. I like to talk.
4. I usually think I am right (I usually am) and so I argue for no reason (except to prove your ignorance, obviously).
5. I am always overtired and when I get irritable sometimes bad things come out.

Pipe Dream

Yay! When I search "Faith'sbook" in Google now, it comes up with my blog first! Before it only came up with Christian sites trying to be clever, referring to faith as some sort of book when obviously "Faith'sbook" is a genius play on Facebook and my name. 

But, we can't all be geniuses.

This guy has issues.

Anyway, this post is supposed to be all about dreams. Not the kind you have when you go to sleepy-time land, the other kind that express your deepest, darkest desires. I have a lot of those - riding a unicorn, having a slide in my house that goes from my bedroom to the kitchen downstairs, getting an acceptance letter from Hogwarts, marrying Batman, owning a pet tiger that I can communicate with like my own personal daemon from The Golden Compass - you know, fairly average. But some people would like nothing more than to toss these particular types of dreams into the "pipe" variety. They would, however, be wrong and malicious people and would do better to pipe down, pardon the pun (but did you notice it?). Seriously though, have you ever wondered why a dream is called a "pipe" dream? No, it's not, as I previously assumed, because of the crazy ideas that come from inhaling drugs out of a pipe, example: Alice in Wonderland. No, it's because of that awesome old computer game "Pipe Mania" where you have to put together pieces of sewer drain before the nuclear waste comes and destroys the village, mutating the animals and children. Just like that, a dream that has a low probability of coming true is like trying to get ahead of that never-ending flow of TMNT ooze (Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle for the unhip). It's just not likely. At some point you have to accept that the children will become mutants, be it turtle-boys with nun-chucks or wolverine's with shiny knuckle-knives that defy the whole "don't run with scissors" rule.