Tuesday, March 1, 2011

Pipe Dream

Yay! When I search "Faith'sbook" in Google now, it comes up with my blog first! Before it only came up with Christian sites trying to be clever, referring to faith as some sort of book when obviously "Faith'sbook" is a genius play on Facebook and my name. 

But, we can't all be geniuses.

This guy has issues.
Anyway, this post is supposed to be all about dreams. Not the kind you have when you go to sleepy-time land, the other kind that express your deepest, darkest desires. I have a lot of those - riding a unicorn, having a slide in my house that goes from my bedroom to the kitchen downstairs, getting an acceptance letter from Hogwarts, marrying Batman, owning a pet tiger that I can communicate with like my own personal daemon from The Golden Compass - you know, fairly average. But some people would like nothing more than to toss these particular types of dreams into the "pipe" variety. They would, however, be wrong and malicious people and would do better to pipe down, pardon the pun (but did you notice it?). Seriously though, have you ever wondered why a dream is called a "pipe" dream? No, it's not, as I previously assumed, because of the crazy ideas that come from inhaling drugs out of a pipe, example: Alice in Wonderland. No, it's because of that awesome old computer game "Pipe Mania" where you have to put together pieces of sewer drain before the nuclear waste comes and destroys the village, mutating the animals and children. Just like that, a dream that has a low probability of coming true is like trying to get ahead of that never-ending flow of TMNT ooze (Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle for the unhip). It's just not likely. At some point you have to accept that the children will become mutants, be it turtle-boys with nun-chucks or wolverine's with shiny knuckle-knives that defy the whole "don't run with scissors" rule.

With this new information, let's go back and reconsider those dreams of mine. How likely are they to come true? What is the probability? I never understood probability in high school, at no fault of my amazing Grade 12 math teacher Tim Barss, but I suspect it is fairly low. If I was being rational, which I always try to avoid, I would have to admit that these dreams are more and more resembling those of the pipe classification. But before I start rearranging my entire life's aspirations, let's take a look at what would happen if I gave up on these dreams, shall we? How many mothers would dare to tell their children to give up on their dream home just because the market for slides in houses is so high they will still be paying off their mortgage in the afterlife? How many mothers would tell their children to give up on their dream of education just because certain schools in the Harry Potter genre do not actually exist? How many mothers would tell their children to settle for less than their dream husband just because Batman is a vengeance-obsessed ladies man who no mother would want their daughter to marry no matter how rich and superheroic he is? If I gave up on my dream home with a slide, I would probably end up living in an overturned boat by the sea, fishing with my hands just to eke out a living. If I gave up on my dream of education at Hogwarts, I might end up in some shady school like - just off the top of my head - Camosun, never finding out my true potential in the wizarding community. And if I gave up on my dream man, I am positive I would end up marrying a mobster from Gotham out of spite alone. Now do you see the importance of so-called pipe dreams, the alternate future that could befall us all if we gave up on our dreams? Let's just say the probability of me succeeding at life without these dreams is equal to × Ω , and I don't need a math degree to know that.
Alternate me.
                   Likely home.                                                                      If I'm lucky.                                          
I present to you the mobster wife living in an overturned boat by the sea because she attended Camosun and therefore was not taught the essential life skills to know that if you don't get Batman as a husband, your second choice should not be among mobsters; never taught to set her sights higher, say Spiderman, but instead became disillusioned when someone labeled her dreams of riding a unicorn as the "pipe" kind and therefore, like that sweet old computer game, not likely to succeed (at least not after level 23). The nose ring is just a nice ornament. And I like sticks a lot, so that makes sense.
Finally, here is the game you have all been waiting for. I think it's a pretty good test of your overall probability of fulfilling your dreams, be it riding a unicorn or going to Hogwarts. I suggest you try it only if you are a true gamer, which you will know if you have ever beaten the first Zelda or gotten past Culex in Super Mario RPG: Legend of the Seven Stars; if not you might want to reconsider playing it... mutating the animals and children is a risk that some of us just aren't willing to take. Just click on the screen and you can play it on my blog! Technology these days... What a world.

More Free Online Games

 IMPORTANT: There is a poll at the bottom of the page that you should take. It's called, "If you were being attacked by rainbows what would you choose to defend yourself?" You have to think of these things because you never know what you will have to defend yourself from and they probably didn't teach you that at Camosun either. Even the self defense class I went to never walked us through that scenario. It concerns me.

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