Monday, November 28, 2011

Girl Meets Boy Meets Awkward Meets Boy Runs Away

Happy Baby
Everyone knows what it's like to accidentally let it slip that you like someone and then have it get around to the person so that even if there was a slight possibility that they might like you in the future, that bridge is now on fire and if you tried to cross it you would burst into flame and die, that is how low your chances of success are. If, by chance, that person likes you back and finding out you like them just helps it along, then well, way to go, you win. I always like nice guys so if they ever hear that I like them and they don't like me back they are too nice to lead me on and instead AVOID AVOID AVOID! RETREEEAAATTT! And the sad thing is half the time I don't really like them, I just want to be their friend. It goes like this, I see good qualities in a guy, usually because I think they are funny, and instead of saying to someone, "That guy is cool. I should get to know him," I say, "I like him. I think I shall marry him," and then it gets around to him and for some reason he runs away. I get it though. If you actually thought I was a stalker I should hope you would take serious precautions. Sometimes I want to say, "I don't even like YOU, I just like the Jesus in you, don't be so freaking flattered." Because it's true. I see the Jesus in a man and I'm like, "I LOVE him!" which should and will weird a guy out if some girl they barely know is saying she loves you (I don't actually do that, don't worry). All I can say is, I can't help loving Jesus. It just comes naturally to me. But you can't like all the boys all the time, it gets tiring. Believe me, I've tried (Grade 2). But I've always liked to keep my options open for whoever God might happen to bring my way. I am the opposite of picky. I walk around going, "Maybe it's him. Is it him? Could be that guy. Maybe not that guy, but then again, you never know." Hopefully keeping myself open will pay off eventually and I won't be an old lady on my death bed getting a crush on all my doctors and random male janitors who walk by: "Is it that guy? He's still got two hairs on his head. Looks like a winner to me!" Gotta keep hope alive though, right?

It's funny I don't relate at all to girls who say they don't want kids. It's like people who say they don't like reading. I'm like, "Who are you?" And even if I really liked them before, now that I've found out they don't want kids they suddenly seem alien and incapable of being loved, like if I tried to love them the love would bounce off their stony hearts and come back to me sad and pathetic and lonelier than ever. What did you say? You are a girl with girl parts and you don't want to hold a little baby in your arms and have it call you Momma? Something is defective. Were you hit in the head as a child? Did they take that piece of your heart out by accident when they took out your tonsils? I see a baby and it's like a baby drug, I have to get my fix and without it I don't feel satisfied. I see one across the room and without knowing what's happening I am suddenly next to the baby and making ridiculous faces to make the baby smile and then baby is in my arms and I am running away with baby and the mother is like, "Where are you taking my baby?" Not really. But I love babies. Babies and puppies. And unicorns. If there is a baby somewhere in a certain radius from me, people who know me know that the conversation we are having has suddenly ended and when I disappear and someone says, "Where's Faith?" they just have to look around for the baby to know that baby in room = Faith goes bye bye. It's like baby ADD (BADD). I heard this one a little while ago and love it. "Did you know I have ADOS?" "What's that?" "Attention Deficit Ooh Shiny!" So really this whole liking boys thing and weirding them out by accidentally letting it slip to someone that I like them and then that person betrays me (probably with good intentions, they just don't realize that just because I like a boy does not in any way mean that they like me or have given me any kind of secret signal that I could interpret as being a love signal) and/or I start acting awkward around them, well it all has to do with my grand plan to have babies. I figured that out one time in a therapy session.

Here is a baby collage (different than a baby college FYI) with some unicorns and puppies thrown in for your viewing pleasure.

U is for Unicorn.
  Beer me.
Why won't she call?

I've been cloned.

Grumpy Baby