Cougars and You

The cougars are out there people, and they're in my neighborhood. Carrie and Tillicum. Quadra and McKenzie. They smell poodle. Yesterday I tried to give my white miniature poodle Kezzie a stern talking to. She used to try and make friends with the townhouse complex cats in her younger years but they weren't feeling it. Maybe she's outgrown it like she seems to have finally outgrown eating poo. Her favorite were poopsicles in winter. For a while we thought she had outgrown it and then the feeling would come over her and she would get a hankering. I've heard people say dogs eat poo because they're not getting enough of something in their diet. What? Not enough poo?

Poodle or fluff in the wind?



I tried to tell her, "Cougars are not your friends." But she just kept giving me kisses. I don't think it got past her fluff. You see, she is exceptionally fluffy right now as I am in the long, drawn-out process of brushing her hair and haven't given her a hair cut in quite a few months for obvious reasons. 1. It is winter. 2. She is getting old so I like to think of it as cushioning for her arthritis or, more relative, padding against cougar bites, and so forth. Hopefully if a cougar tries to eat her he will just think he has eaten a cotton ball and gag. Even better he will mistake her for a fluff in the wind and walk on by. 

'Tis a New Year. I have some grand plans. I plan on submitting a lot of my short stories to get published and try out for some writing contests too. I have been waiting to submit things, out of cowardice or false logic I don't know, thinking I can't submit anything until I am the best I can be. NOTE TO SELF: you will never be the best you can be... you will be better! Just kidding, no. You must always try to be the best you can be but you will never actually be it. Instead you will learn and grow and fail and succeed but if you lean on God and not on yourself you will be better than you ever could be on your own, because HE is the best you can be, the "I am" that you can never be, and that, my friend is how you be the best you can be. That's the extent of my theology. I also plan on getting started on a real novel project. Novel as in book, not new. Though it could be both. I have many beginnings started and ideas in store but the word is "commitment," people. Maybe my book will be about cougars. And little, white, innocent poodles. And the dangers from mixing them. No! Don't go there brain! I have to go home right now and have another talk with Kezzie. Maybe I will make a slide show for her ongoing poodle-safety-education entitled, "Cougars and You."

 Cougars and You

Slide 1



Cougars are not your friends.

 

Girl Meets Boy Meets Awkward Meets Boy Runs Away

Happy Baby

Everyone knows what it's like to accidentally let it slip that you like someone and then have it get around to the person so that even if there was a slight possibility that they might like you in the future, that bridge is now on fire and if you tried to cross it you would burst into flame and die, that is how low your chances of success are. If, by chance, that person likes you back and finding out you like them just helps it along, then well, way to go, you win. I always like nice guys so if they ever hear that I like them and they don't like me back they are too nice to lead me on and instead AVOID AVOID AVOID! RETREEEAAATTT! And the sad thing is half the time I don't really like them, I just want to be their friend. It goes like this, I see good qualities in a guy, usually because I think they are funny, and instead of saying to someone, "That guy is cool. I should get to know him," I say, "I like him. I think I shall marry him," and then it gets around to him and for some reason he runs away. I get it though. If you actually thought I was a stalker I should hope you would take serious precautions. Sometimes I want to say, "I don't even like YOU, I just like the Jesus in you, don't be so freaking flattered." Because it's true. I see the Jesus in a man and I'm like, "I LOVE him!" which should and will weird a guy out if some girl they barely know is saying she loves you (I don't actually do that, don't worry). All I can say is, I can't help loving Jesus. It just comes naturally to me. But you can't like all the boys all the time, it gets tiring. Believe me, I've tried (Grade 2). But I've always liked to keep my options open for whoever God might happen to bring my way. I am the opposite of picky. I walk around going, "Maybe it's him. Is it him? Could be that guy. Maybe not that guy, but then again, you never know." Hopefully keeping myself open will pay off eventually and I won't be an old lady on my death bed getting a crush on all my doctors and random male janitors who walk by: "Is it that guy? He's still got two hairs on his head. Looks like a winner to me!" Gotta keep hope alive though, right?

The Adventures of Chompo and Olivia: Downsizing

I'm just in the middle of moving. It's horrible. Don't do it. The worst part about moving isn't how much work it is, or the fact that I am leaving the home I have lived in for my entire life, but that the place I am moving into is even smaller than the place I have now. And that's saying something. Downsizing is always painful, but downsizing to the point where I have to give up my entire collection of stuffed animals? That, my friend, is cruel. You may say I am too old to have stuffies. If you did, I would have to use great self-control not to attack you with angry words. You are never too old to have stuffies, especially if they are the ones you have had for many years and have already pared down as much as possible without losing your soul in the process. How can I possibly say goodbye to such innocent, vulnerable creatures, wholly dependent on my love? How do you tell someone, that you care about deeply, you're going away forever? Gently? With a rose? In a funny way? Like it's a hilarious joke? Or do you just let it go. Because saying it would just make it worse... Probably the funny way.

If you didn't get that it was courtesy of Michael Scott from The Office. Except instead of "how do you tell someone you're going away forever," he says, "how do you tell someone I told you so."

This is how: through the mediation of hamsters. You may know these particular hamsters from Chompo and Olivia's Christmas Adventures in which they first became famous.

The Adventures of Chompo and Olivia: Downsizing

Chompo and Olivia were moving. Pack, pack, pack, chomp, chomp, chomp (oops that was Chompo biting one of the boxes, hamsters are not very good packers), when suddenly they heard desperate, squeaky voices that chilled them to the hamster bone.

Lego: Artwork, Repairs, or Both?

I have to give the credit for this post to my pastor. Anyone can include Lego in their sermon, but how many can do it successfully? Think about it.

The Art of the Brick

I'm no psychologist, but I think Nathan Sawaya might 
have some closeted feelings he's trying to get out.

To keep with my Lego theme (refer to post Star Wars and The Matrix in Lego), these are the works of Nathan Sawaya which can be found on his website The Art of the Brick, and they are all lifesize. They also may or may not be real people buried alive in a Lego coating. That would explain why they are so good, but I have not been able to get confirmation on that yet. If somebody emailed me asking, "Do you use real dead people in your art? 'Cause that's not cool," I would be sure to respond right away, so as not to go to prison.

Chompo and Olivia's Christmas Adventures

I would like to introduce to you my hamster friends, Chompo and Olivia. I gave them to my mother for Christmas and then decided to capture their fun with my Grade A camera skills. Chompo got his name from the Chompo bar in the book A Birthday for Frances by Russell Hogan. Like Frances' Chompo bar, he fits in your hand perfectly and makes you want to squish him a little and sing a song about it. These are their Christmas adventures.

Chompo and Olivia's Christmas Adventures

'Twas the night before Christmas, and Chompo and Olivia always read 'Twas the Night Before Christmas on the night before Christmas. This particular version was about a mouse family. They felt they could relate to mice more than people.