ThE eViL EaSter bUnnY

What mother is letting their child sit on that?

Yesterday I just had to see a picture of a little yellow chick in a nest and I started salivating for Easter chocolate. Easter is coming. One year our family had a big get together at Beacon Hill Park and we had an Easter egg hunt. There was a little kid race and for the first, last and only time in a race, I won, probably against some toddlers and really slow, crippled kids. Someone in the family wore a giant Easter bunny head and it traveled around to different people, which if they were trying to keep the magic alive, was very confusing. Why does the Easter bunny keep changing people? And who was crazy enough in the family that they thought it was necessary to rent a bunny head for the occasion? That's a trick question. It could be anyone. But as much as I admire their enthusiasm, I'm really surprised it didn't freak me out. I'm actually surprised the Easter bunny in general didn't freak me out. For one, a full-grown man in a bunny suit makes me think genetic mutation. Secondly, the Easter bunny was clearly trying to kill me by dropping off little eggs of poison all over my house. Doesn't the Easter bunny know I am not only allergic to dairy products, I'm also allergic to cocoa? Yes, of course the Easter bunny knows that. The Easter bunny is a wheeler and dealer. How else would he be able to get the chickens to give up their babies? But the truth is no one wants to be the only kid eating jelly beans while everyone else is eating chocolate eggs. No one.

Cougars and You

The cougars are out there people, and they're in my neighborhood. Carrie and Tillicum. Quadra and McKenzie. They smell poodle. Yesterday I tried to give my white miniature poodle Kezzie a stern talking to. She used to try and make friends with the townhouse complex cats in her younger years but they weren't feeling it. Maybe she's outgrown it like she seems to have finally outgrown eating poo. Her favorite were poopsicles in winter. For a while we thought she had outgrown it and then the feeling would come over her and she would get a hankering. I've heard people say dogs eat poo because they're not getting enough of something in their diet. What? Not enough poo?

Poodle or fluff in the wind?



I tried to tell her, "Cougars are not your friends." But she just kept giving me kisses. I don't think it got past her fluff. You see, she is exceptionally fluffy right now as I am in the long, drawn-out process of brushing her hair and haven't given her a hair cut in quite a few months for obvious reasons. 1. It is winter. 2. She is getting old so I like to think of it as cushioning for her arthritis or, more relative, padding against cougar bites, and so forth. Hopefully if a cougar tries to eat her he will just think he has eaten a cotton ball and gag. Even better he will mistake her for a fluff in the wind and walk on by. 

'Tis a New Year. I have some grand plans. I plan on submitting a lot of my short stories to get published and try out for some writing contests too. I have been waiting to submit things, out of cowardice or false logic I don't know, thinking I can't submit anything until I am the best I can be. NOTE TO SELF: you will never be the best you can be... you will be better! Just kidding, no. You must always try to be the best you can be but you will never actually be it. Instead you will learn and grow and fail and succeed but if you lean on God and not on yourself you will be better than you ever could be on your own, because HE is the best you can be, the "I am" that you can never be, and that, my friend is how you be the best you can be. That's the extent of my theology. I also plan on getting started on a real novel project. Novel as in book, not new. Though it could be both. I have many beginnings started and ideas in store but the word is "commitment," people. Maybe my book will be about cougars. And little, white, innocent poodles. And the dangers from mixing them. No! Don't go there brain! I have to go home right now and have another talk with Kezzie. Maybe I will make a slide show for her ongoing poodle-safety-education entitled, "Cougars and You."

 Cougars and You

Slide 1



Cougars are not your friends.